Bart's Substitute
by Nushiepie
Summary: Bart thought school was the only place he could get away from homer, but he was wrong...  and who is this knew substitute
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters they belong to Matt Groening and I don't make any money from this**

"Class, next week you're going to have a substitute teacher. He may not be the most experienced but we needed a teacher fast so... you're stuck with him," said Mrs Krabapple while taking a big puff on her cigarette, "or he's stuck with you" she added under her breath.

"Hey Bart" said a husky voice from behind Bart Simpson, "What do you think about having a substitute?" Bart turned around to see a boy his age with big blue eyebrows wearing a purple shirt and red shoes. "Oh hey Milhouse, I dunno, I guess he couldn't be as bad as Krabapple" Bart said to his best friend.

"But remember how Mrs K said that he isn't the most experienced, we trick him heaps and he won't know any better" Milhouse replied

"Oh yeah" Bart said "Whoa mama, I just thought of all the ways we can torture that kook substitute next week"

"We can go out to recess earlier, or push the dates of test forward" Milhouse said excitedly, "You gotta dream bigger," Bart said putting his arm around Milhouse "I'm talking super glue on his chair, turning the classroom upside down and best of all, I'll pretend to go to the nurse and then pull on of my legendary prank calls. Hey do you wanna come over and help me think of ideas,"

"Sorry Bart as much fun as that sounds I can't, my dad is making me help him lay out the avocado dip for his 'divorce help' club, it's basically where a bunch of divorced men come together and cry, my dad gets really depressed after and spends all night crying 'Oh Luanne why did you leave me' and then well he needs a shoulder to cry on, and unfortunately that shoulder is attached to me" Milhouse explained. Bart shuddered "don't worry, no one, and I mean NO ONE is as bad as my dad... and speaking of the devil" Bart said as he saw homer clumsily running up to the school saying "Bart, Bart, guess what," Bart rolled his eyes and said "Homer I thought we agreed that you stay away from school so that none of the cool kids can see me with you," Homer giggled and replied "That's not really gonna work out, because guess who is your knew substitute teacher, come on guess, come on don't be shy," Bart just stared at Homer for a while, then his eyes grew a metre and he said "no, no, NO, NOOOOO!"


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note: __**I don't own any of these characters**__._

"Homer!" Bart cried, "How can you teach a whole class of children 4th grade work for a week? We all know you're the dumbest thing that has ever walked the planet! Aye Curumba!"

"Now Bart, don't you think you're being a bit harsh?" Homer asked, then all of a sudden he let out an extremely girly giggle and said, "Flying feather ball!" and chased a bird around the school for a while. "It's gonna be a long week Milhouse!" Bart said to his friend.

"Oh think of all the fun we'll have!" exclaimed Homer in the car on the way home, "You can be teacher's pet, we'll have surprise tests every morning before first period. If a student doesn't finish something, I won't make them do it for homework. They can stay in at recess, and much, much more!" He went on like this for a while until Bart finally lost his temper and said, "Don't you get it? I don't want you to be my teacher! You're embarrassing and the only upside of school for me is that you're not there!" All of the colour drained from Homer's face and he said quietly, "My own boy is ashamed of me, I'm sorry Bart." And they drove home in silence.

At home Bart was sitting on his bed playing with his _Krusty the Clown_ toy feeling really bad, when Lisa bursted in and said, "Thanks for letting me know that dad was picking us up, I caught the bus for noth- Bart what's wrong?" Lisa sat down next to Bart as he replied, "I yelled at dad, when he was trying to bond with me," They sat in silence for a while and then Lisa asked, "Well why?"

"He's my substitute teacher next week..." Bart replied in a small voice. Lisa let out a loud obnoxious laugh and eventually stopped when she noticed Bart was getting uncomfortable, "It sounds to me like you need to apologise him, how long exactly is he teaching for?" she asked. "A whole week" Bart told her. "Well that, umm, isn't... that bad," Lisa said, "but what is bad is you and dad not talking to each other." Bart looked at her and replied, "Yeah, thanks Lisa, I think I will talk to him!"

"Hey Homer," Bart said as he went down to the kitchen, "look I'm sorry, I would... _love_ you to be my sub next week," Homer looked at Bart and replied, "Oh this is going to be great, boy, you and me, against the school, no, the world! He he he!" The moment Homer had said this, Bart knew he regretted his decision.


	3. Chapter 3

On Monday he saw Milhouse and asked, "How was the _divorce club_?" Milhouse fixed his glasses and replied, "Not good, they were looking at pictures, so my dad got really depressed and was really loud the whole night,"

"Oh yeah, I think I heard him from my house... changing the topic, my dad is gonna be here any minute, is the first prank ready?" Bart replied. Milhouse stared at Bart and said, "Yeah, but are you sure you want to prank you own dad?" Bart sniggered and replied "I'm positive, look here he comes, act natural, he shouldn't expect a thing."

"But Bart..."

"But nothing."

Homer walked in and wrote on the board '_Mstr Simpson'_ "Hello class, my name is Mr Simpson, I am Bart's dad! And if you can't find me for anything, just tell Bart, I'm sure he'll let me know. Let's get started!" He said as he sat down. Bart leaned over to Milhouse and whispered "one, two, three," and pressed a button to trigger a mechanical arm that was _supposed_ to punch him in the stomach, Homer let out a big groan and said, "Ooh, that hit me in the... you're too young to hear that word!" While Homer was screwing his eyes up with pain Bart leaned over to Milhouse and said through clenched teeth, "It was supposed to get his belly!"

"Oh, whoops..." Milhouse replied.

At recess Bart and Milhouse where hanging off the jungle gym and talking about the plan, "Even though we stuffed the up the prank, the outcome was still pretty good, the best we could have hoped for actually." Milhouse said to Bart, "You're right Milhouse, he could hardly talk thruought first period!" Bart replied, "let's plan the prank for tomorrow."

At dinner that night, Homer was telling the story of how a mechanical arm appeared out of nowhere and punched him. "That sounds like a pranks dad," Lisa said looking at Bart, "are you sure that one of the kids you where substituting weren't didn't do this,"

"No, no, no" Homer replied, "these are good kids, you don't know what you talking about. Right Bart?"

"Right"


	4. Chapter 4

The next day Bart was telling Milhouse his plan when Milhouse interrupted, "Bart, isn't just putting a tack on his chair a bit clichéd and simple minded?"

"Milhouse, I haven't finished, the tack will be covered in a serum that will put him into a deep sleep for at least 2 ½ hours, anyway, I thought you would understand by now that nothing I do is simple minded, he should be coming soon." A couple of minutes later homer walked in and greeted the class as soon as he sat down he fell asleep for 3 hours straight!

For the next 3 days, Bart's pranks just got better, he put liquid explosives in Homer's coffee mug on Wednesday, flesh eating insects in his drawer on Thursday, and as the grand finale on Friday he covered every second student in fake blood and gave them fake knives, and after Homer had started the class, they all charged in and ran at Homer chasing him around the classroom.

After all this, Homer still stayed oblivious to the fact this was all Bart and Milhouse's doing. The next week, Bart and Milhouse were talking, "Milhouse, after last week, I don't think Homer will want to teach us again,"

"Then what is he doing here?"

"Just coming to talk to Krabapple," Bart replied.

When Homer went to talk to Krabapple, he said something completely unexpected, "these kids where, they where, what's the word... an absolute delight to teach!"

"What?" Milhouse and Bart said simultaneously. Mrs. Krabapple replied, "Well in that case, I'm going to be out of town for a convention next month, can you take over?" Taking a big drag of her cigarette she battered her eyes and said, "For me?"

"Homer turned around to beam at Bart and said, "I would LOVE TO".


End file.
